Reasons not to leave the house
by winterwood11
Summary: Draco Malfoy was up to something. Hermione just knew it. Why else would he bother to give all those pathetic excuses? What was wrong about leaving the house?


**This was written for the never-ending list challenge over at the HPFC forum. Hope you like it :)**

There were times when Hermione Granger worried for her husband's sanity. Yet, she was sure that hers was considered questionable as well. What sane Gryffindor would have chosen to marry a Slytherin out of her many suitors? Especially the Slytherin who happened to be her worst childhood enemy? Yet, Hermione never regretted her decision. Well, not until today.

"Hey dear, could we go out today?" Hermione suggested. It was three in the afternoon and the couple were lazing around in their place.

"No way am I setting a foot out of this house!" Draco answered. "Haven't you read your muggle tabloids lately? There's a hole in the ozone layer! It's letting dangerous ultra-violet rays through it and there's a greenhouse effect!"

"So?" Hermione said. "That's not going to kill you, just put on some sunscreen.

Draco stammered, "Its-its, um-"

"What?" Hermione asked impatiently.

"It's too cold!" Draco whined. "I don't want to freeze!"

"With a greenhouse effect?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Especially, with a greenhouse effect."

Honestly, he should at least do some research if he wanted to give an excuse.

There was something suspicious going on. Hermione just knew it. When her husband was missing for so long, something would happen. It had been two hours since she last saw him. For a Sunday, that was very long. Even in the huge Malfoy manor.

"Draco Malfoy, where on earth are you? It's been a couple of hours! It's time for our dinner out! " Hermione sent her patronus to Draco.

Hermione tapped her foot as she waited for a reply. A minute later, his patronus came flying in.

"Sorry dear, I got a little carried away-"

Hermione smiled; maybe he was finally coming back up.

"But I, um, accidentally damaged a pipe and its leaking. I don't want to waste any water so I've been covering the hole with my finger since I left my wand in the study. So, going out is a bit out of the question."

Hermione Granger sighed sceptically. He did not have his wand when he had just cast a patronus to reply to her? Right.

It was an exceptionally dark night, or so Hermione thought. After all, it was only seven. She and Draco were currently reading in the library. Hermione normally didn't mind, but between the gloomy atmosphere and the silence, it was getting a little unbearable.

"Draco, shall we go out for a play tonight? It's so… stifling in here." Hermione asked.

Her husband ignored her. There was only the sound of a flipping page. Hermione was usually the one being so engrossed in a book. Perhaps Draco was just getting revenge for all those times she ignored him.

"Draco Malfoy, answer me right now!" Hermione marched up to him and snatched the book he held away from him.

"Hey, I don't take your books like that!" Draco protested. He stood up and tried to grab the book.

Hermione inspected the book cover. "50 reasons why…" She flipped open the book. "Draco! So this is where you get your lame excuses from? Well, today we're going out and that's that!"

"But Mione, it's a full moon tonight! I don't want to turn into a werewolf like Remus Lupin!" Draco Malfoy complained.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "In the middle of a city that's unlikely to happen. Bet that excuse is in that book as well. Should I check?"

"Well werewolves can live in cities! Are you suggesting that they are estranged from society?" Draco countered, ignoring his wife's second point.

"Of course not! How could you even suggest that?" Hermione sniffed. "Anyway I don't accept that excuse. You're going out!"

"Well even if I don't get turned into a werewolf, I might step into some wet cement in the pavement! You know, they're doing construction of paths on the way to the theatre. What if my footprint isn't removed and hundred years later some guy will be all _which idiot did this_?" Draco rattled off like a machine gun.

"One, you know very well that you would want to have your footprint imprinted on the ground. Two, there is something called apparation, in case you forgot." Hermione tapped her foot impatiently. "Could you just stop giving excuses?"

"I want a glorious statue of myself made, not some measly footprint that people will find irritating! I don't want to be stepped on!" Draco corrected himself.

"That sounds more like the egoistical you." Hermione said. " So, are you finally clean out of excuses?"

"They're not just excuses; they're real problems that could happen if we left the house!" Draco retorted.

"And, what is wrong about leaving the house?" Hermione asked.

"Everything!" Draco exclaimed, looking at his watch and gasping with exaggeration."Oh look! It's time to bake the donuts! We can't go out now!"

"Donuts? What in Merlin's pants are you talking about? I swear, you're being really weird today!" Hermione said.

"Yes, donuts! I'm sure you know what they are, don't you? They are the round little puffs with a hole in the middle-"

Hermione could not take it anymore. "Draco, come clean with me this instance. I know you're up to something."

Draco Malfoy looked extremely sheepish even as he answered that there was nothing up.

"Draco Malfoy," Hermione started. "Tell. Me. Now."

"Well it's a long story," Draco finally relented. "I'll tell you right after I go to the kitchen, alright?" Without waiting for an answer, Draco zipped off, leaving an irate Hermione alone.

Hermione waited for five whole minutes, but her husband was still missing. After another two minutes, she gave up and went to the kitchen herself. And there she found her husband… handcuffed to the refrigerator.

"Draco! What happened?" Hermione asked.

"Um, I was trying to take something out and got myself a little stuck!" He answered.

Hermione gave him the look.

"Hey! It happens!" He protested.

"Yeah, anyway why don't you help me out a little?" Draco asked.

Hermione sighed as she freed Draco from his prison. "So, would you mind telling me now?"

"Sure, let's just go to another room. This one harbours bad memories."

Hermione looked at her husband quizzically, but she relented and let herself be lead down. "Why don't you explain at the same time?"

"Let's go there first!" Draco insisted, pushing the door to the relaxation room.

"What, just te-"

"Happy Birthday, Hermione!" A loud chorus interrupted her speech.

Hermione turned away from her husband to see the sight in front of her.

The room was decorated with her favourite photographs and a floating banner that wished her happy birthday. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Lavender, Pansy, Blaise, Theodore and Astoria were in the room.

"What?" was all Hermione managed to say. She had unexpectedly become quite friendly with the Slytherins, but her two groups of friends had been quite adamant on not being as accommodating. To see them together and actually not at each others' throats… Last year that had happened quite literally.

Harry explained about Draco's sudden call for a surprise party a few days ago and all the persuading needed to get the Slytherins to come after hearing that Harry and the rest would be here as well.

"I-I" Hermione stuttered.

Draco asked worriedly, "You don't like it?"

"No, no I do, it's just that I thought you forgot about my birthday." Hermione's speech was broken off as Draco leaned down to kiss her.


End file.
